Assalamualaykum w.b.t.
Alhamdulillaahillazii allafabaina quluubinaa fa asbahnaa bini’matihii ikhwaanaa.
Greetings to all of my brothers and sisters in Islam. Today is Ramadhan 29, 1429 equivalent to September 29, 2008. 29 Ramadhan and 29 September. SubhanAllah, beautiful! This helps many muslims to answer the question ”What day of Ramadhan is today?” . Thinking it deeply, so sad. Is it not? We claim so proudly that we are muslims yet we do not know our own calendar. Oh, I am wrong. There are a number of days in Hijr calendar that many muslims never forget: 1 Syawal, 1 Muharram, and some more (in order of decreasing popularity). Why? It is because they are given days off. Well, that is not a big issue (is it?).
Forgive me for the very not soothing introduction. Perhaps realizing that Ramadhan is reaching its end in few days, my heart is somekind of not feeling well. Questions keep flooding in my mind. Have I done well? Have the objectives been fulfilled? Have all my sins been forgiven? Lets leave those questions for a moment. Just a moment.
I want to draw our attention to a matter. This matter never ends, although having been explained and posted in many places many times. But, now I want to share a thought. It is about LOVE. After reading the previous sentence, now some might say ”Oh, love again. This guy is going to urge everybody to say NO to coupling again bla bla bla…”.
To those who might have said that – NO. I am not going to ask you to stop coupling this time (in the future? Lets see, huhu). My primary concern is to describe the difference between love and romance.
Romance, if not checked, may mean wasting time, effort and dignity. Islam teaches us to be truthful and realistic. Besides, the concept of love in Islam is very unique, when a Muslim loves something or somebody, it must be for the sake of Allah; the same applies to hatred.
Islam teaches us that marriage is the finest, purest and permissible relationship that should exist between a male and female. There is no room in Islam for illicit affairs or the Western vogue-word of boyfriend and girlfriend. All those stories of media and movies are not helpful to make a person comply with the teachings of Islam. The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, says that there are three qualities, if found in a person, will help him have perfect faith:
1. Having Allah and His Messenger, peace and blessings be upon him, as the most
beloved ones,
2. Loving a person only for the sake of Allah and
3. Hating getting back to Kufr (disbelief) the way one hates to be thrown into fire.
That means love is a fruit of piety. Love without piety is mischief.
There is no concept of courtship in Islam as it is practiced in the West. There is no dating or living in de facto relationship or trying each other out before committing to each other. There is to be no physical relationship whatsoever before marriage. The romantic notions that occupy the mind of young people often have proven in most cases to be unrealistic and harmful to those involved. We only have to look at the alarming divorce rate in the West to understand this point. To give an example, the couple know each other for years, are intimate, live together and so on. Yet somehow this does not guarantee the success of the future marriage. Romance and love simply do not result in an everlasting bond between two people.
In most cases, romance and love die out very quickly when couple find themselves with the real world. The unrealistic expectation that young people have is what often contributes to the failure of their relationship.
You know the West is making fun of the Islamic way of marriage, in particular arranged marriage. Yet, the irony is that statistically arranged marriages prove to be more successful and lasting than romantic types of courtship. This is because people are blinded by the physical attraction and thus do not choose the compatible partner. Love blinds people to the extent of overlooking potential problems in the relationship. There is an Arabic proverb that says: “Love is blind, it makes zucchini turn into okra”. Arranged marriages, on the other hand, are based not on physical attraction or romantic notions, but rather on critical evaluation of the compatibility of the couple. That is why such marriage often proves successful.
I still remember of an article explaining about this. It says from an Islamic perspective, in choosing a partner, the most important factor that should be taken into consideration is Taqwa (piety and consciousness of Allah).
Though love is something nice, and it is recommended for a man to marry a woman whom he loves, because the Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, said: “There is nothing better for two who love each other than marriage.” (Sahih Al-Jami`, 5200)
However, this love should not be overwhelming and cause a person to forget other characteristics which he should look for in the person he wants to marry. The most important characteristic is religious commitment. The Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, says: “A woman may be married for four things: her wealth, her lineage, her beauty and her commitment to religion. Choose the one who is religious, may your hands be rubbed with dust [i.e., may you prosper]!” (Agreed-upon Hadith).
Dear my brothers and sisters, I hope that the main points of the issue have become clear. Now, let’s assume that you are the subject: On what basis would you like to choose your partner? Wouldn’t you look to his/her commitment to Islam – does he/she pray regularly, for example? Does he/she adhere to the Islamic teachings?
If the gentleman/lady you want to marry is religious, of good manners, and obeys Allah and His Messenger, and both of you want to please Allah in this world in order to earn reward in the Hereafter, then you have made a perfect choice, and we ask Allah to fulfill your hopes and bring you together in a good way. If she is not, then you should reconsider your choice. May Allah help you to do what He loves and what pleases Him!
And I did not urge you to STOP COUPLING right? 
UMMATIC ARABIC DEBATING AND PUBLIC SPEAKING COMPETITIONS مسابقة المناظرة والخطابة باللغة العر ...
This entry has been edited from an entry entitle FAQ by New IIUM Biomedical Science Students fro ...
Seperti yang dijanjikan, masa untuk membuang undi sepatutnya berjalan hari ini (Khamis 22/1/ ...
a final semester student of ahmad ibrahim kulliyyah of laws, a good roomate and classmate. he wi ...
Fred just got hired as a consultant for a financial services company. This new position is diffe ...
Agreed dear brother.
To expound on the issues raised, I would say many youngsters don’t understand the difference between romance and love and Malaysian Muslims undoubtedly are No. 1 when it comes to entertaining the nation of boy/girlfriend, something many other Muslim societies don’t practice/appreciate.
That said, love is an important ingredient in house making and thus sustaining it. Therefore, the question should be, how do we know that someone loves us or that we love him, or how do we get in love as we prepare for marital life. There are two approches here:
1. Using the Western style which is to get a b/galfriend at tender age, co-habit with her, have sexual relations with her and basically living together through (even) High school and University and later ending up as a wife and husband (though 70% fail in the long run. I,.e fail to build a house out of the romantic life that they have had).
2. To use the Eastern style which is basically to wait till the end and get married to someone whom you have know for a short time, or get married through arranged marriage (by parents/relatives).
Both are incorrect albeit the first being much more. So, let’s try Islam. Islamically speaking, both the man and the woman should choose whomever they like and want. The question now is, how I do choose and what should I do? Before we answer that, are you ready for marriage today? Yes, today? No. Then hold your horses and concentrate on your education/job/understaking. If yes, then spot someone either through being a classmate, schoolmate, Uni-mate, neighbourhood, or get his/her information through a trusted dear friend. Having known the availability of someone (he/she), then proceed by contacting the person subtly or trying to get him/her know you. If you fear too much, then use another friend to make the “1st contacts” between the two of you. Stop…what made you fall for that guy/gal in the 1st place, I mean the one you have spotted? It should be bcoz of his/her Islamic ideals, intelligence, ability, beauty with akhlaq and restraint, academic prowess, financially able but earned his/her wealth through utmost Halal ways. In other words, an element of God’s Ridhaa (Pleasure) should be involved. Remember, your ultimate goal is unto Whom is the Final Return, so choose wisely the one who will help you in reaching that destination. You must like something about the person, and that liking should be based on what Allah S.w likes and cherishes, not what fantasy dictates but sands shift. But why choose a man/woman bcoz of God or bcoz their actions, earnings, doings and so on are defined by God’s orders? Well, the Prophet (pbuh) reminded us a God fearing man restrains himself during anger and hardly offends you (partner) when he loses his control. In other words, he remembers His Almighty and retreats. The other man whom you fell in love bcoz of his dunyawi attractions will rip you off when you disagree bcoz he doesn’t cherish the higher purpose of life. Why? Remember Allah s.w says:
“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect.” (33: 21)
Note that the word love precedes compassion and mercy. That has two significane. One, there is no compassion and mercy unless love for a person/being is involved. Secondly, the love we have for our Creator makes us to forgive and render compassion upon those who offend us. Lets say your husband/wife offends you and it will happen, make no mistake about it, if you are a God fearing (in love with God), you will remember him and render love upon him/her by forgiving him/her or turning his/her anger into cheers and kisses (he he he).
Arranged marriage is fine but it is discouraged even Islamically bcoz of consequences. In another case, a man told the Prophet (pbuh) about his love for a woman and his intention to marry her, the Prophet (pbuh) asked him if he knew her (talked to her, engaged with her on issues and life etc), he said no. The Prophet (pbuh) advised him to do so saying it was better. So, the boy and the girl mist speak, date each other and talk and question each other. But how do we date each other? By holding hands, kissing each other, leaning on each other, caressing each other, slapping each other, sitting on each’s laps, ect, no no no no and NO. That’s immoral and out of bounds. Well, you may say there is nothing wrong here, well, it is wrong. But you have the freedom to go ahead and do what you want but remember disobeying God doesn’t make you prosper for prosperity belongs to the Almighty. Sit together under a tree, somewhere where you are visible, no room where you are only two, no no no, at least you must be visible to others and talk. No kisses, leaning on each other and holding hands. That (and much more) will come when you become husband and wife insha’ Allah. Having known each other, having been honest with each other, having maintained your dignity and distance from each other, having dated each within the bounds of Islam and its higher ideals, having pleased your Creator, then proceed after it became clear to you that you can satisfy each other, that you are compatible and understood each other. By going through this road, your dignity, privacy and secrecy is maintained. This will help in case you “break up”, eg, if it becomes clear that you weren’t meant for each other. Otherwise you will be vulnerable and regret later.
Well, that’s how I see it and intend to do insha’ Allah. Soon I guess. (he he he).
Ramadhan Karim
Happy Hari Raya
I wrote the above comment while rushing very fast, so later I spotted some mispelling and other incorrect words, pliz forgive me for those errors, hoping that you got my message and add yours as well. I leave you in God’s presence. Wassalam
health insurance quotes 8)) health insurance
D affordable auto insurance 5149 automobile insurance jmixul